


Sleeves Are Dumb Anyway

by hernameisgeorge



Series: The Avengers are a PR Nightmare [5]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers Merchandise, Crack, Deaf Clint Barton, F/M, M/M, but hes a total asshole about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-03
Updated: 2015-04-03
Packaged: 2018-03-21 02:24:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3673968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hernameisgeorge/pseuds/hernameisgeorge
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Avengers are officially a thing, so logically, merchandise is the next step. Coulson is a doll, Steve does the crossword, Thor likes cartoons, and the Hawk's in his nest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sleeves Are Dumb Anyway

**Author's Note:**

> I'm participating in camp nanowrimo this month, which apparently means that in an effort to procrastinate, i finish my entire wip folder, but not really.
> 
> Also deaf!clint. Because of reasons.
> 
> [This](http://www.hottoys.com.hk/productDetail.php?productID=153) is the coulson action figure i had in mind. Actually that whole line is good.

The Avengers were watching the news report on their latest battle when Clint dropped down from the ceiling. "I'm on a t-shirt!"

"What the hell are you talking about, Clint?" Natasha asked while Bruce tried to lower his heart rate.

Clint tried to contain his excitement. "I was getting groceries, like Cap asked me to, and I passed a comic shop. They were selling Avengers merchandise! I got this!" He pulled a t-shirt of the bag he was carrying and held it up.

Tony grabbed it out of his hands and examined it.

"Where are the groceries?" Steve asked.

Clint flicked his hearing aids off. "I'm sorry, I can't hear you. To the nest!" He snatched the shirt back from Tony and fled the room.

Steve sighed and grabbed his jacket. "I'll be back."

"Wait!" Tony said. "I want to see what else they've got."

* * *

The Avengers were halfway through Frozen when Coulson walked into the rec room, somehow managing to hold a large stack of manila folders, two cups of coffee, and a package of mini doughnuts. "Where are Steve and Clint?"

"The Captain is with the Hawk-Eyed one in his nest!" Thor said, pointing with the toy replica of Mjolnir that Tony got for him.

Coulson looked up to see that they were indeed sitting in Clint's nest that he built in the rafters (why the room had rafters was another question for another day) out of clothes he stole from everybody.

"Barton, get down here!" he called. "I need you to-"

"I need you too, sir!" Clint said dramatically, half hanging out of the nest.

"Be careful, Clint," Steve said. "We'll be right down, Agent Coulson."

Coulson set his folders down on the table. "The PR department has announced official, SHIELD-licensed Avengers action figures and they'd like you all to approve the designs."

"Fuck yes!" Clint dropped down from his nest, not bothering with the ladder.

"Be careful," Steve said again, knowing he would be ignored.

Coulson passed out the folders and produced several sheets of colored dot stickers from his jacket. "To keep things simple, blue dots for the designs you like, and red dots for ones you don't like."

"What about yellow?" Bruce asked, taking a sheet from the pile.

"Those are for the designs you approve for the unofficial bootleg action figures we're also going to be selling," Coulson said, opening his doughnuts.

"And green?"

"Certain others are going to end up sticking them everywhere anyway; we might as well have a specific color for it."

Clint paused in trying to center a sticker on the tip of his nose, having gone a bit cross-eyed in the attempt. "Are you talking about me?"

Natasha took pity and centered the sticker for him. "He's always talking about you."

"If I find even one sticker on my suit…" He didn't finish the threat, choosing to preemptively smack Clint on the head with one of the folders.

"There is one of the Son of Coul!" Thor said.

"Holy shit, what?" Tony said. He looked over Thor's shoulder. "It comes with a little Destroyer gun. And a mini set of Captain America trading cards! That's adorable."

Everybody crowded around them to get a look at it.

"I want seven," Clint said.

"No," said Coulson. "Leave that one alone."

"Nope, can't hear you," he said.

"For god's sake, Barton, I can see that your hearing aids are on."

"Whoa, is someone talking? I totally can't tell," Clint said, and started putting all of his stickers on the sheet.

By the end of the day, the Coulson action figure was barely visible under everybody's stickers.

* * *

Three weeks later, Clint was sitting in his nest, to which he had now added Avengers brand clothing—and one of Thor's capes, given to him so he could hatch his young, which, what—playing with his new Avengers action figures.

He was making the Hawkeye and Coulson ones make out.

"Aren't you cold?" Steve, who was doing the crossword, called up to him.

"No," Clint said, "I stole space heaters from Stark's workshop."

Bruce started. "The possibly radioactive ones I told him to dismantle last month?"

He shrugged. "Probably. Were there many other space heaters down there?"

"Deserving or inciting pity, seven letters, starts with an H," Steve said, deciding he did not want to know and ignoring them.

Natasha looked up at Clint. "Hawkeye."

Steve rolled his eyes, but looked down at the puzzle anyway. He froze and looked back up at her. "It fits."

She laughed behind her hand.

"Did Stark bribe the newspaper again?" Clint asked, peering down at them.

"I did no such thing," Tony said as he entered the room. He stopped behind Steve and filled in the correct answer for him. "Not with that clue anyway."

Natasha looked at it. "Well that's decidedly less hilarious."

Just then, Thor flew into the room. Literally. He landed on the couch and turned the TV on.

The rest of the Avengers watched as their faces filled the screen. Only, more animated.

"What the fuck is that." Clint launched himself out of his nest. Thor caught him and placed him down on the couch.

"Ah, you wish to watch with me?" Thor asked, turning up the volume. "Lady Darcy informed me that I would find it on this channel."

He squinted at the screen. "Why do I never have sleeves?" He stole the remote and turned the volume back down, putting on closed captioning instead.

"Because your arms are a thing of beauty," Natasha said.

"They really are." Bruce sat down next to him. "And you look good in purple." He gestured to the screen.

Clint shoved him. "Flatterer."

They spent the rest of the day watching the cartoon, with Natasha occasionally signing to Clint when the captions were wrong and Tony complaining that the portrayal of him was so completely off.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sorry about clint and his nest. It's an old joke. I don't even remember who with, but that conversation actually inspired this whole series.
> 
> This was actually one of the first stories i wrote for this series, but i never ended up finishing it. Like, how they were watching frozen? That was written in when it first came out on dvd. And you can bet that tony and clint ran around the tower singing "love is an open door" for months. And thor's rendition of "let it go" is truly breathtaking, yet constantly interrupted by frost giant jokes.
> 
> Hit me up on [tumblr](http://crispymotherwerewolf.tumblr.com) and weep about clint barton with me.


End file.
